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Give Love To Receive Love


“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky


This quote from “Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky; has been subjected to several interpretations. To many, and this is the popular interpretation, it means that we should learn to accept that whatever be our wishes and desires, we must learn to accept the fact that we get the love we deserve. However, some have criticized this attitude as being low on self-esteem and the condescending attitude of accepting anything as being what we deserve. This, of course, is only in reference to an abusive relationship where one person has to compromise with the situation. Under normal conditions, such contingencies are best treated as exceptions; one should accept them as such.

Accept the Person as They Are

In our life we are never happy with what we have and always yearn for what we wished we have. It is with the same feeling that we look at our parents, siblings, family and friends. Everyone finds something that they do not have. The common refrain is, “I only wish that he (or, she) had…” They would wish for certain quality that the person lacks.

What happens when we focus on the personal qualities a person lacks is, we lose sight of all the good qualities that attracted us to that person in the first place. Initially in a relationship the good qualities are what a person seeks and finds. However, just as every rose comes with thorns, no one is perfect. When the emphasis is on what the other person lacks, it implies that the relationship is getting weakened. Somewhere the feeling comes that I deserve better. Little does one realize that he or she himself is not perfect. Yet the other person may not be looking at the negative aspects but looking at only the good qualities.

When we learn to accept a person as they are, with all their shortcomings, the relationships improves. That is what love is about, it is not the search for the perfect person, but finding perfection in the person we love.

We Get what We Deserve

Expecting the world and not admitting to one’s own shortcomings gives rise to frustration. The feeling might creep in due to envy, when one compares what one has with others. There is no end to human desire and wishes. Even if at a point of time when one gets what one has wished for, one is never satisfied with one’s possession. The yearning for more and more continues.

For the generation that thrives on YOLO (You Only Live Once) and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), it is difficult to feel satisfied with what they have. Yet the crux of happiness comes from being happy with what you have, Yearning for more only produces unhappiness and a desire that never gets fulfilled.

Cherish what You Have

It is worthwhile to count one’s blessings and cherishing hat we have. It is easy and often wishful to look at others who seem to have more. But what one fails to see is their trial and tribulations. Most likely, deep inside they may also be going through the desire to have what they think they should deserve.

Being happy doesn’t mean you have it all, it means being grateful for what you have. Also always remember, the happiest people do not have the best of everything, but they make the best of everything they have. Happiness may not come to a person even if everything is perfect, but everyone can feel happiness if they decide to look beyond imperfections. It is rightly said that the art of being happy is to be satisfied with what you have!


Written By: Raj Kumar Hansdah


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