It is a very strange law of nature, that only the people we love can hurt us. We can’t get hurt by the people whom we don’t love. They say only the brave know how to forgive someone and once the initial wave of emotion washes us off, we are left to decide if we are brave enough or not.
What does Forgiveness NOT mean
To know how to forgive someone, it’s important to know what forgiveness is not. It doesn’t mean that we are not allowed to feel anything about the situation. Neither does it mean that the other person’s behaviour was acceptable. Nor does it mean that there’s no room to work on the relationship.
What Forgiveness actually means
I have a rule in life. I must forgive the person who has wronged me, whether or not I keep my relationship intact. If, I have lost trust in someone then I don’t see a point in continuing the relationship. But, I make sure that I do that with zero grievances and give myself space to get rid of the agony of anger and resentment.
Forgiveness is for our own mental peace. It’s the letting go of the feeling of vengeance or any grievance that we hold and giving ourselves the chance to heal. It’s not something that is necessarily done for the other person. Only the brave can understand and accept this.
Why Only the Brave Knows How to Forgive Someone
“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there’s no peace without forgiveness.”
― Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness requires the will to do it. It’s easy to hold on to our judgements and get carried away in the anger. It’s easy to let the pain define us. It’s hard to confront the situation with the will to resolve it, even if it means letting go of the anger and grievances we hold. It’s hard to understand that a wound can only heal if we stop touching it and give it some time. Only the brave can make the hard call. Only the brave knows how to forgive someone.
How to Forgive Someone
Here’s how to forgive someone when we have completely accepted the reality of the situation and are ready.
- Try to understand their perspective on the matter. They are at fault but sometimes there’s more to the picture than we can see. Only the brave can keep their anger aside and explore the entire picture in an unbiased manner.
- Take out emotion from the picture and think about it with a more practical approach. Getting carried away with emotions is easy. It’s the attribute of only the brave to not let emotions fool them.
- Understand that everyone is flawed. We have all made mistakes and we have all been forgiven. We all are human and we all deserve second chances. Only the wise make use of second chances and only the brave offer them.
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.”
― Bernard Meltzer
We can’t change what has already happened. We can’t control someone else’s actions. We can’t control how their actions hit us. But we can control how we react to it. We can control how we feel about it. We can control what we let ourselves become because of it. Only the brave can make this choice, and we can choose for ourselves, if we are brave enough to know how to forgive someone or not.
Do you have a story of forgiveness that can inspire others? Do you have any suggestion on how to forgive someone? Drop it in the comment section below.